By Dr. Portia Lockett
Yes, Grief! It’s a normal response to the loss of someone or something that was important to us.
Did you know there are approximately 40 different ways one can grieve? When we hear the word grieve, our minds have been programmed to focus on the loss of a loved one. Even though this type of grief is very common, it’s not the only way we can experience grief. I can almost bet that over the last 3 ½ years, most of the world became acquainted with grief in some form or another. Due to the pandemic, our lives shifted from being free to life’s many amenities to being closed in, along with businesses, schools, places of worship, entertainment venues being shut down. Everything we did was modified. Imagine those individuals that lived alone, our aging community, the lack of touch and how their lives were impacted. Even consider family members being forced to live under one roof and not only discovering who they were as an independent person but now having to endure the good, the bad, and the ugly of those required to be a part of a blended household.
During these unprecedented times, doctors’ appointments were cancelled which possibly led to undiagnosed illnesses both physical and mental. Then there were those that travelled the road of losing a pet, untraditional celebrations such as graduations, marriages, home goings, relationships ending, and jobs. Some may say that the fact that they couldn’t go the beauty or barber shop caused them to grieve. What’s important to you may not be important to others and vice versa. The thing is Grief is the loss of what’s important to you!
As a Grief Recovery Method Specialist, chaplain, and spiritual advisor, I’ve been fortunate to support others from the womb to the tomb and everyone/everything in between. There have been moments when I had to ask the question on so many levels ….WHY? I have come to the realization that just because a question is asked doesn’t ‘t mean you’ll receive an answer.
Unfortunately and fortunately, I have been in the space of:
- Helping someone pack up their home due to being evicted without having a designated place to live.
- Being by the side of a person that has been diagnosed with an uncurable form of cancer.
- Holding someone’s hand prior to getting a limb removed.
- Being there to support someone during a divorce.
- Giving someone hope and resources to during an abusive toxic relationship.
- Holding a mother and father in my arms after the loss of their child while still being on my own healing journey.
- Listening to one that has been dismissed by family due to gender identity.
- Writing reference letters due the loss of employment
- Supporting persons being abandoned at the alter without explanation.
- Being part of the first responders team of a traumatic situation
People often ask me how I can maneuver through this path of grieving my own losses ( losing a child to gun violence, divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, unemployed, repossessed vehicle, just to name a few) and still helping others. My answer is God has given me peace that truly surpasses my own understanding. What I do know is, the more I help others, the more I help myself.
There are so many resources to help you as you travel on your grieving journey. Take advantage of the: AzalBenneLockettFoundation.org, DWIHN, NAMI, Psychology Today, and Bloom Transformation Center.
If you like more information on Dr. Portia Lockett
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