Death Shock

When Death Comes Suddenly

5 Characteristics.  5 Stages.  5 Ways to Recover

Coping with the death of a loved one brings about grief. But coping with the sudden death of a loved one brings about not only grief but also shock, disbelief, and a measure of devastation. When someone is chronically ill or aging, psychologically we may subconsciously prepare ourselves by considering the worst possible outcome. On the other hand, without warning, sudden death of a loved one can cause confusion and even revenge.

Characteristics of ones who have endured sudden loss:

• Shock. Because it was unexpected, shock is a common reaction along with uncertainty and a feeling of disconnect.
• Disbelief. The initial news can be overwhelming with the inability to accept the news of the death. It can take longer to grasp this reality.
• Guilt. If death occurred in your midst such as an accident, the survivor may experience guilt. Or if not, guilt from thinking you should have been there.
• Regret. It is a common distressed feeling that may result in regret of either not doing something for the person or a feeling of missed opportunities.
• Numbness. Death of a loved one brings about flooding of various emotions, the overwhelming of emotions at times results in pure numbness.

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) referred to the deaths resulting from COVID worldwide pandemic as a traumatic event during a disaster and a large-scale emergency.  If you’ve lost a loved one during the pandemic, grief for you can be especially overwhelming. Adding to the devastation was the isolation and inability to be by family members’ side during their time as a result of COVID-19 protocols. This not only complicates the grieving process but also prolongs and delays one’s ability to adapt, to heal, and to recover.

While the pandemic heavily impacted the rise in drastic sudden deaths, death shock has been prevalent for years when death comes suddenly.  Loved ones have mourned sudden loss due to murder, accidents, miscarriage, suicide, or other similar traumatic experiences. As a result, some families have been shattered by grief.

Regardless of the cause, there are five distinct stages of grief. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Knowingly or unknowingly, when grieving everyone will vacillate through these stages. There is no time period on how long each stage will take, thus there should be no pressure to focus on timing. Meanwhile, what can we focus on?

5 Coping Tips When Experiencing Grief

1. Embrace the process. Processing the five stages of death will not happen overnight. Understanding and embracing what you are experiencing will require time and will provide the grace you will need to begin healing.
2. Expect a pause in activity. Grief stages aside, because of sudden death, the first wave of grief may completely knock you off your feet. Take the time to rest and prepare for slower activity. Give yourself the grace to feel ‘lazy’.
3. Defer major decisions. Sudden death can knock the wind out and can cause cognitive dissonance. As a result, besides completing basic tasks, refrain from making any long-term decisions. Family dynamics may prove challenging.
4. Self-care. Grieving the death of a loved one has a physical, mental, and psychological impact on our body.  During this time we must get the appropriate sleep, attempt to eat regular meals, and be sure to keep up with grooming and light activity. When possible, exercise when feasible.
5. Allow yourself to mourn. Everyone mourns differently with different mourning periods. It is important to not think you should get over it. While this is not a race, you want to ensure you are making healthy progress.

During the grieving process, it is important to not self-isolate. Always seek support by way of friends, family, spiritual advisor, or a professional therapist.

About Dr. Portia Lockett:

Everyone has a purpose, but not everyone knows their purpose early in life. At the age of seven, Dr. Portia Lockett was clear on her calling: teaching and encouraging others, which later evolved into her being a schoolteacher that inspired students to be their best regardless of their path. Eventually, she transitioned into speaking and training for major corporations and nonprofits which included but was not limited to UAW GM, Chrysler, and Goodwill Industries. Later becoming a licensed and ordained Chaplain allowed her to support and encourage individuals from the womb to the tomb. Eventually being led into the world of being a missionary allowed her to travel and support the underserved in Japan, Barbados, Mexico, Bahamas, Canada, Kenya, and Jamaica. Like most of us, Dr. Portia has experienced a few traumatic episodes in her life, but through grace, the favor of God, and self-determination, she pulled herself up and kept it moving forward each time.  Lockett has received several awards and her most recent include the City of Detroit Spirit Award, Michigan Chronicles Women of Excellence, and the Career Mastered Winning Spirit Award and The Power of One award. Lockett is the co-author of Anointed Moments meditational CD and an Amazon # 1 seller Delayed But Not Denied 2, featured lyric writer and psalmist of Happy Birthday Jesus. She’s been featured on CNN, National Geographic, BET, The Michigan Chronicle, The Detroit News, and Radio One. She is an active member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc.