Good Grief
Celebrating one’s life after their death, and changing bad grief to good grief.
When we lose someone we’ve loved and cherished, our world changes. For a period of time, the entire world seems cold and cruel. There is nothing anyone can say to change the clouded lens in which we now see life. And with all due respect, neither shall we try.
For we understand that mourning is not only normal, but it is necessary to heal and recover. Instead, what we would like to offer is another tool for your grieving recovery toolbox. We have more than enough information explaining grief and discussing the five-stage emotional roller coaster (denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance) we are likely to experience towards recovery. But what we could consider is the use of an alternate lens. A lens with an alternate view. Instead of seeing what is cold and cruel, we’d see what is bright and filled with light.
What if as we mourn, we also celebrate? What if we added to the reality of grief, a new perspective of blessings? What if instead of focusing on our loved one’s death, we give as much focus, if not more on their life? What if we learned and practiced what we like to call, good grief?
Good Grief is the act of using our energies to focus on the positive influences of our loved one. Good Grief allows us to spotlight the concrete evidence of impacting others. Most importantly, Good Grief allows us to focus not on the sorrows of death but on the happiness of life. We believe good grief not only honors our dead loved one but is an extraordinary tool effectively leading us towards healing and recovery.
The beauty of good grief is that it is contagious. Once you begin remembering and sharing things your loved one did to make you laugh, others will begin sharing as well. Once you begin sharing fond stories and experiences about your loved one, others will begin recalling and telling theirs. Once you begin smiling through the tears, guess what, so will others. Good grief is indeed infectious.
Not only is good grief infectious, but it’s also comforting. One bible translation records 1COR 1:3,4 this way, “Praise be to God, the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our trials so that we may be able to comfort others.” Good grief is a dynamic resource tool when mourning the loss of a loved one. Yes, grieving and mourning is both normal and necessary but learning to do it positively is the new gamechanger.
The act of good grief requires cognitive reframing. As intimidating as this term may seem, it is actually quite simple. We’ve already provided the first step, which is to share experiences and fond stories. This step is important because it sets the tone and mood. In other words, it ‘reframes’ the grief. The act of this mental shift allows us to embrace the sorrow and transfer that sorrow into a celebration. There are no rules when it comes to reframing towards good grief, but only suggestions.
Good Grief Activities, Celebrating the Life of Your Deceased Loved One
- Share fond stories and memories of your loved one as to when they made you laugh, smile, or learn.
- Scrapbooking is another great activity to consider. Scrapbooking is an eclectic method of preserving and presenting memories. Included can be photos, stickers, souvenirs, notes, journal entries, or a collection of writings.
- Write a book. This may seem far-fetched and perhaps even daunting. But who said the book has to be published? The book is an organized way to gather thoughts and document memories. You can share it with others, or not.
- Create a time capsule for future family generations to enjoy. The twist is that everything in this capsule is about the deceased loved one. Pass it on to their wife or kids to store for years and years to come.
- Circulate a book, jar, or box and allow others to contribute and write something memorable about your loved one. When feeling the onset of grief, read through the collection and bask in the joyful memories.
- When making this a community effort, things such as participating in local runs with printed t-shirts of remembrance. For example, if the cause of death was cancer, wear tees to a cancer walk that may say “In remembrance of…” and include pictures or dates or anything of choice.
- Set up a legacy fund for a scholarship. Fund something that person was particularly skilled at or their chosen career.
- Lastly, simply embrace their circle of life. Think outside the box and be as creative as possible. There is no wrong or right way. Good grief is whatever you decide it shall be for you and your family.
During the grieving process, it is important to not self-isolate. Always seek support by way of friends, family, spiritual advisor, or a professional therapist.
About Dr. Portia Lockett:
Everyone has a purpose, but not everyone knows their purpose early in life. At the age of seven, Dr. Portia Lockett was clear on her calling: teaching and encouraging others, which later evolved into her being a schoolteacher that inspired students to be their best regardless of their path. Eventually, she transitioned into speaking and training for major corporations and nonprofits which included but was not limited to UAW GM, Chrysler, and Goodwill Industries. Later becoming a licensed and ordained Chaplain allowed her to support and encourage individuals from the womb to the tomb. Eventually being led into the world of being a missionary allowed her to travel and support the underserved in Japan, Barbados, Mexico, Bahamas, Canada, Kenya, and Jamaica. Like most of us, Dr. Portia has experienced a few traumatic episodes in her life, but through grace, the favor of God, and self-determination, she pulled herself up and kept it moving forward each time. Lockett has received several awards and her most recent include the City of Detroit Spirit Award, Michigan Chronicles Women of Excellence, and the Career Mastered Winning Spirit Award, and The Power of One award. Lockett is the co-author of Anointed Moments meditational CD and an Amazon # 1 seller Delayed But Not Denied 2, featured lyric writer and psalmist of Happy Birthday Jesus. She’s been featured on CNN, National Geographic, BET, The Michigan Chronicle, The Detroit News, and Radio One. She is an active member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc.
