Holiday Grief
Coping with the loss of your loved one during the holidays.
If this is the first holiday season without your loved one, this may prove to be an uphill battle. Many families have developed a distant fear as the holiday approaches in an effort to avoid recurring grief. This is true especially if your grief is still fresh. Holiday cheer pressures those still in mourning to be merry and bright and everything nice. Its possible guilt may be felt if one is able to actually find joy without the loved one at the holiday table. But struggling with grief during the holidays doesn’t make you weak or crazy, it simply makes you human.
Here are a few ideas to consider to navigate holiday grief.
- Acknowledge the impact grief is having on your life. Do this without judging yourself and without guilt. Grief is hard enough, don’t add to your own burden. Even if you’ve been on the road to recovery and healing, powerful emotions may reappear. Emotions such as anger, pain, sadness, resentment, and depression may rear its’ ugly head once again. Acknowledging these expectations ensures you won’t be cut off guard.
- Be prepared with a defensive plan, defend yourself from becoming overwhelmed and heading towards a downward spiral. Preparation can include identifying resources and key support people available to take calls when you need to talk. During your usual holiday planning and preparation, plan a few sessions of therapy or prepare time to attend support groups to connect with others experiencing the same challenges. If not already in place, form a support group and discuss openly what you are feeling. This will allow others to recognize how they can best help you.
- Organize a space that visually celebrates the life of your deceased loved one. Set up a section filled with photographs, memorabilia, or anything significant to the loved one. This will serve as a conversation starter but will also fully fill what will feel like any empty space at the dinner table. The holiday season is the perfect time to contemplate good grief, the act of using our energies to focus on the positive influences of our loved one.
- Implement a new tradition. Family traditions are always fun and carried on for generations to come. Create an activity that may have been favorable to your loved one and request others to participate. This could be a yearly funded scholarship or a family community outreach effort. The opportunities are endless and can be as small or large as desired. Sometimes people think they must do something really elaborate, but the opposite is true. Anything you do will become meaningful simply because it’s to honor your loved one.
During the grieving process, it is important to not self-isolate. Always seek support by way of friends, family, spiritual advisor, or a professional therapist.
About Dr. Portia Lockett:
Everyone has a purpose, but not everyone knows their purpose early in life. At the age of seven, Dr. Portia Lockett was clear on her calling: teaching and encouraging others, which later evolved into her being a schoolteacher that inspired students to be their best regardless of their path. Eventually, she transitioned into speaking and training for major corporations and nonprofits which included but was not limited to UAW GM, Chrysler, and Goodwill Industries. Later becoming a licensed and ordained Chaplain allowed her to support and encourage individuals from the womb to the tomb. Eventually being led into the world of being a missionary allowed her to travel and support the underserved in Japan, Barbados, Mexico, Bahamas, Canada, Kenya, and Jamaica. Like most of us, Dr. Portia has experienced a few traumatic episodes in her life, but through grace, the favor of God, and self-determination, she pulled herself up and kept it moving forward each time. Lockett has received several awards and her most recent include the City of Detroit Spirit Award, Michigan Chronicles Women of Excellence, and the Career Mastered Winning Spirit Award, and The Power of One award. Lockett is the co-author of Anointed Moments meditational CD and an Amazon # 1 seller Delayed But Not Denied 2, featured lyric writer and psalmist of Happy Birthday Jesus. She’s been featured on CNN, National Geographic, BET, The Michigan Chronicle, The Detroit News, and Radio One. She is an active member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc.
